I have always believed that when we die we are released from the bondage of our earthly bodies and our spirits are given a new life in heaven with those who have gone before us and with our Heavenly Father. This belief has brought me comfort as I faced the deaths of my parents, friends, relatives, and each one of my dogs. Ironically, the more I study the Bible and the various interpretations of it and plow through the dearth of theological commentaries, my comfort has been brought into question. And it is not just death. So many of the “beliefs” I have held that formed the foundation of my faith are now being challenged by the very Word I have professed as the bedrock of my faith. As someone who feels called to share the Good News of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I am starting to wonder if I am cut out for this role with these questions stirring in me. Is this a natural part of the discerning process or is it a cruel culling of the soul?
My faith remains as strong as ever – if not more so, but explaining that faith is becoming a much more strenuous endeavor. Gratefully, my Lord is merciful. The same source of my questions is the source of my comfort. I do walk by faith and not by sight… simple as that – just don’t ask me to explain it to you – at least not right now! Faith is messy and mighty and wonderful. I need to spend more time pondering it like I used to instead of booking it. There is so much to learn in this process and yet I already know all that I need to know.
“Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” – 2 Corinthians 5:5-10